Why can't I do more?

When I was a young adult, I noticed a frustrating pattern in my life that I felt probably wasn't a coincidence. I noticed it when I would try to donate blood, but I would get turned away for various reasons. I noticed it when in the span of a few months, I had scheduled a date to watch the children of three siblings overnight, but every single time I got sick with a nasty cold or bug the day before and had to cancel. 

When I had the desires to serve, I couldn't. Something stopped me. 

It's only gotten worse. The past couple years have been horrendous for my mental and physical health. I had to ask for a calling change. I cancelled all my free tutoring sessions. I permanently closed the scholarship program I had started. All the good I was doing in life was slipping away. 

I still haven't found an answer to what's going on with my body, but i'm finally feeling some peace about the pattern of not being able to do as much good around me. Not being able to do as much has gotten me to finally focus on my heart and that is something I can work on no matter my energy level. I can still serve, of course, but that service looks different now. Now my service is being kind to everyone and withholding judgment. Now my service is listening to and watching out for those that are struggling. And I may not be able to do much for them, but I can listen to them, and that's so important to have when you're in crisis mode. 

I had been so frustrated. Now I sense that Heavenly Father has been steering me towards my true service potential, my true niche in the kingdom. It just wasn't what I thought it would look like. Now i'm glad of that!

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