Two Mites

One night after the kids were in bed, I let myself feel the emotions that I'd been hiding all day long. Feelings of inadequacy took me to my knees in prayer. I'd always dreamed of having 4 or 5 kids. I'd always imagined I'd be a fun, energetic mom that was always teaching her children. Instead I had two children, I was constantly fighting fatigue, and YouTube was the kids' teacher.

I prayed. I asked what the future of our family would be like. Would there be more children? Could I ever get to a point when I could handle even one more? Or even handle the two I'd been blessed with? I said "amen" and wearily started climbing into bed. Before my head hit the pillow, a distinct thought came to my mind: 'read the story of the widow's mite'. I recognized immediately that the thought didn't originate in my own head, so I quickly opened up my scripture app on my phone and read from Mark chapter 12:

41 And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much.

42 And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing.

43 And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury:

44 For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living

I had never thought of these verses referring to anything besides money. Who knew the two mites could be two children? Or a failed marriage? Or feelings of homosexuality? Or whatever it is that makes us different from our expectations. 

Jesus understood my heart; He understood my sacrifice. He knew I was giving all I could give. I could finally let the inadequacy turn into satisfaction and peace. 

We will be judged according to our hearts and desires, not just our actions. So if we don't fit the mold of our expectations for ourselves, remember Who is watching from the side, seeing not just the outside, but what's going on in our hearts as well.