Mist of Darkness

Anxiety and depression are like the mist of darkness. Even when you're holding onto that rod, you can be shut out of the light. You don't feel the love of God- you don't feel love from anyone, probably. It's not fair. It's not fun, especially when someone from outside the darkness is trying to tell you how wonderful the sunshine is, or expresses that you feel love when you are righteous, or gives you advice when they've never been in it. 

The most useful thing I told myself when I recognized I was in the mist, was to not harden my heart. That became my motto. I had seen family members and friends who, during a depressive or anxious episode of life, had felt abandoned, angry, offended, victimized, felt all the injustice ever committed by any member or leader of the church, and left the rod of iron. But even if I couldn't feel the spirit, I could keep on. Eventually, my anxiety got better with help and medication. And because I made a conscious effort to not harden my heart, I received some divine tutoring on how to change my heart. 

Now that I'm not in that crisis mode, I can look around and see others that are. I'm so grateful. Now I know so much better how to help. First, I never judge those who are struggling through their personal mist of darkness now. Next, I can listen to them and really try to understand their pain. And lastly, everyone has to find their own way through it, but maybe I can offer a tiny bit of hope and reassurance that it won't be so bad forever.