Back Row

Just a word to other back row worshippers like myself: please keep being there at church. Please. 

When I was struggling, I felt like I didn't fit it. Church was uncomfortable, probably because I was around people that fit the mold that I would never fit but still wanted so badly to fit. Those other families that were struggling became my rock. I saw you there. I felt like I could be myself around you. I went to you for advice. I thought 'if she's struggling but still here, then there's hope for me.'  

I'm sorry if I used to judge you before as inconsistent or not totally committed to the cause of the gospel. Now I see that you are so committed that you do show up, even with much harder physical, mental, and spiritual struggles than I'll ever know. 

Thank you for lending me a little bit of strength in my time of need. I needed you and you were there. Thank you. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Purpose

I'm starting to see my life's purpose as building zion from within and around me. I believe Heavenly Father will give me the opportunities and learning experiences I personally need to accomplish that purpose. With chronic fatigue and mental and physical health complications, I've found that my way of building zion within and around me is changing. I can't do so much. I can't serve so much. But now I have to take time to rest, so I can spend a lot more time studying, pondering, and understanding the people around me. I'm getting acquainted with my heart; seeing the imperfections that a busy life would have kept hidden. I'm seeing the struggling, stressed out mom down the street and recognizing the signs of depression and anxiety in others. I have a long ways to go in understanding my role in the kingdom, but I'm grateful for the impetus that is bringing me closer to that understanding. 
Read more

Brotherly Kindness

Seeing my brother in those suffering from drug and alcohol abuse and homelessness. Seeing my mother in those struggling with chronic health issues. In those who choose to leave the church, and even harbor bitterness, seeing a sister who's sensitive feelings have been hurt.  I have a lot of brothers and sisters. 11 to be exact. So when I hear the term "brotherly kindness" in the scriptures, it's easy for me to think of how much I love every one of my siblings and to feel that kindness towards them.  The interesting thing is, with so many siblings, we have become a diverse bunch. Some of us live out of the country. Some of us have married people of different nationalities and races. A few siblings have left the church, with varying levels of animosity. I love each of them so much.  One of my brothers has taught me more about brotherly kindness than most people get to learn in their lifetime. This brother spent a bit of time in jail. This brother lied to us all. This bro...
Read more

Why can't I do more?

When I was a young adult, I noticed a frustrating pattern in my life that I felt probably wasn't a coincidence. I noticed it when I would try to donate blood, but I would get turned away for various reasons. I noticed it when in the span of a few months, I had scheduled a date to watch the children of three siblings overnight, but every single time I got sick with a nasty cold or bug the day before and had to cancel.  When I had the desires to serve, I couldn't. Something stopped me.  It's only gotten worse. The past couple years have been horrendous for my mental and physical health. I had to ask for a calling change. I cancelled all my free tutoring sessions. I permanently closed the scholarship program I had started. All the good I was doing in life was slipping away.  I still haven't found an answer to what's going on with my body, but i'm finally feeling some peace about the pattern of not being able to do as much good around me. Not being able to do as mu...
Read more